“When he returned to his disciples he found them asleep. He said to Peter, ‘So you not keep watch with me for one hour?’” Mt 26: 40
Mission in the Cloud. Last night, Evelyn and I did our evening reflection on Matthew 26:36-46, the homework assignment of Fr. Mark Haydu at the 6:00 FB Mass that was part of yesterday’s challenge. We reflected especially on the difficulty of truly conforming our will to His, the key fruit I think for many of us of Jesus’ collassol agony in Mt. Olive that night, when the man in Him was struggling to find the strength to perform the act of utter self-sacrifice that lay before Him in the coming passion. Then this morning when I woke up, I found myself riveted in prayer on the other side of the story: the St. Peter side, the Steve side, the ‘we’ side. In the midst of this crisis, when Jesus needed his best friends more than ever, as much as they wanted to be there for him, they fell asleep at the wheel.
How often have I been asleep at the spiritual wheel? How many times have I been so focused on my agenda, maybe even one with a missionary tilt, that I failed to see the face of Christ in someone right in front me that more than ever needed me to be present for them at that moment? How many souls have I passed on the streets of New York who were clearly having a bad day when they barked at me for bumping into them as I sped-walk towards my latest destination, and was too absorbed to even turn to apologize, making their bad day worse? How many glaring opportunities to help someone in need did I pass up because I had other priorities, “more important” agenda items, to attend to? And for that matter, how many times did I, sleep-deprived perhaps from yesterday’s overcrowded agenda, literally doze off during Mass?
My resolution today is to stay more in the present, even as I lay my plans for the future. To be more in the moment. To always be attentive to His voice in my life, and in the faces of the souls He brings to me. To stay awake in the garden.
A missionary
April 10, 2020
