Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us.  Heb 12:1

“Just to clarify, we aren’t actually surrounded by a cloud of witnesses, you know,” the Bible leader instructed. She went on to say they were much too busy in worship to be bothered with us.

My forehead crinkled in confusion. That did not make sense. How could something in the Bible not be true?

Becoming a stay-at-home mom was not easy for me. I was one of the many liberal cradle Catholics born in the late ’60s- brought up in Illinois, not a great catechist, picking and choosing my beliefs much like any cafeteria line.  Now, I was married, had three small boys and was pregnant again. We just moved to South Florida.  I was lonely and struggling. While some people fell into homemaking with ease, I was not one of them. I knew God had called me from having a career to the cradle.  While I obeyed, it was hard. Finally meeting other moms, I noticed some of them had a peace that I longed for.  All of these moms had a common thread that drew me to them.  It was Jesus.

Recognizing that Jesus was the answer for me too, I did whatever I could think of to find him.  I logically deduced that the Bible was the go-to place to find him, right?  Therefore, I did what anyone might do: I joined a non-denominational mother’s Bible study at a Lutheran Church led by a Baptist woman who had recently converted from Judaism. I figured the Bible was the Bible after all. And all Christians were the same, right?

Plus, there was free babysitting.

My friend Mary leaned over whispering, “Catholics don’t agree with what she just said, you know.”

I actually did not know that! I looked over at her, trying not to look like the idiot that I felt like. Her eyebrows were raised, with a knowing smirk.

At that moment I realized that Catholics were different.  That there were competing ideas for the one truth. I learned there were over 20,000 different Christian denominations- all teaching different versions of the truth. Which “truth” was correct?  Two opposing things could not both be true.  Either the ‘cloud of witnesses’ surrounded us or they did not.

“When you look for me, you will find me.  Yes, when you seek me with all your heart” Jeremiah 29:13

In probably the most important conversation I would ever have with God, I prayed:

Lord God, I will follow whichever is the correct ‘truth’, please show me which is correct. Even if it means giving up my Catholic faith to follow in a different church. 

I put my detective cap on and began to live a double life: giving equal attention to Catholic and non-Catholic teachings. I wanted to study and learn all sides.

I attended our non-denominational-formerly-Baptist church, complete with an amazing music show every week, and then immediately after, I went to Catholic Mass- it was a charismatic church so also a weekly show-complete with hands waving and clapping.  In any case, Christianity in general was on fire in Florida.  A fire was being built in me.

The protestant Bible study continued, but I also attended the RCIA and Catholic cell group to learn more about Catholic teachings.  I was stunned to learn of a Presbyterian minister, Scott, who had hated Catholics but then became Catholic himself. What makes a Catholic- hating protestant convert to Catholicism?  I began devouring everything I could on the differences in religions, specifically conversions of super-religious people to Catholicism.  Strangely, I did not find any super-religious Catholics who switched to another religion and wondered why.   

It was during this time that I found Regnum Christi through the apostolate called Familia, a 4-year focus on the Church’s teaching on families and motherhood (they also had free babysitting.) Completing Year 1, my Catholic Reversion complete, I was convinced that every mom needed this program, so I began a new group and evangelized to everyone I met! I soon had a group of 14 women and thus began my new adventure in apostolic work and in Regnum Christi.

We moved to NJ, where the faith was more traditional, unlike the Florida “fire”. Since the overall zeal was not the same as Florida, I learned to not rely on the super high flame of a fire built with lighter fluid, but rather to build my fire with a foundation built with practice, perseverance, humility, and patience.   Regnum Christi has given me so many tools with which I used to build.  Team Life has been my favorite.  Being a part of a dynamic team of like-minded ladies, loving their Catholic faith, has taught me unconditional love.  Through them, I learned how to lead and how to follow, how to love and let myself be loved, and finally, how to accept others and also be myself.  This is freedom. This is love.

21 years have passed since moving to NJ.  Toddlers became teens and now I am the proud mother of 4 wonderful young adults as different from me and each other as they could be. My husband, Chris, is approaching his retirement.   After 31 years of marriage, I look forward to what God has planned in the next phase. I cannot shake the idea that God has called me to communicate. With so many ways out there to do so, I am exploring them all!  Very recently, I joined a group of other Catholic writers called Praise Writers and was so blessed to be allowed the opportunity to join a collaborative book project allowing me to officially call myself a Published Author!   

The book is Cloud of Witnesses and you will find me in Chapter XIV – A Mother’s Tears- How St. Monica Helped Me Release the “If Onlys.”

Participating in this book project really made me remember that first bible study.  It saddened me to consider people not realizing the truth of our “Cloud of Witnesses”. I have lost touch with Mary and the Baptist bible study leader (I think her name was Joann).   I wonder if they ever found their way to the Catholic Church.  I am glad I found my way.