In the New York Tri-State, November began with a powerful Triduum. Of course, the entire Catholic Church celebrated the double punch of All Saints Day and All Souls Day which fills the first two days of November with a magnificent goal (heaven) and a bracing reality check (purgatory). Who doesn’t want to be among the “great multitude” who are praising God and saying, “Glory and wisdom and honor and thanksgiving and power to our God”? (Rev 7:9-12) Indeed, our hearts cry out with the psalmist, “Lord, this is the people that long to see your face.” (Psalm 24:6) What a great way to begin the month! Nevertheless, only twenty-four hours later, we face another reality, that not everyone reaches our heavenly home right way, that more often than not, substantial work does need to be done, by us here on earth and on behalf of the poor souls in purgatory who no longer can help themselves.
So, what is the essence of this important work? Yes, we recognize there are vices to eliminate and virtues to cultivate. But often the root of so many of the obstacles that hinder us on our road to heaven is the basic need to forgive. As we say in the Lord’s Prayer, “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” So that’s it in a nutshell. Thus, the theme of forgiveness was the perfect way to complete the three-day “triduum” which kicked off the month of November because that was the topic for the November 3 Evening for Married Couples held at St. Paul Church in Greenwich, Connecticut.
Father Daniel Ray, Legionary of Christ and superior of the Rye Community, spoke to the twelve couples gathered in the sanctuary, with Jesus present in the Monstrance, about the importance of forgiveness. Using the profound example of forgiveness demonstrated by the Amish community in the face of a school shooter who killed ten girls in their one-room schoolhouse on October 2, 2006, Father highlighted the Amish example of radical forgiveness by their showing compassion for the shooter’s family, by attending his funeral, and by praying for all. From this example, Father offered some principles of forgiveness: he noted that forgiveness isn’t forgetting. It’s not convincing yourself that the offense was not serious. It is not a “one and done” event. Rather, it is a process which does not depend on the other party asking for forgiveness, but instead simply requires us to stand next to Jesus with our arms outstretched. This is how we can forgive, “not seven times, but seventy times seven times.” (Matt 18:22)
After his reflection on forgiveness, Father posed a few questions for the couples to discuss privately. These were: “What is a great example of forgiveness that you have seen or experienced?” “As a couple, are we good about saying we are sorry?” “Do you have a process for ‘making up’ for the regular frictions of life?” “As a couple, do we have any relationships where we may need to work on forgiveness?”
The evening concluded with everyone reading a Litany of Forgiveness which Father wrote:
Lord Jesus, who are mercy and forgiveness, grant me Lord, a heart like yours.
Toward those who have insulted me, grant me Lord, a heart like yours.
Toward those who have forgotten me, grant me Lord, a heart like yours.
Toward those who have despised me, grant me Lord, a heart like yours.
Toward those whose blindness has injured me, grant me Lord, a heart like yours.
Toward those whose decisions have wounded me, grant me Lord, a heart like yours.
Toward those whose sins have impacted me, grant me Lord, a heart like yours.
Toward those whose selfishness has deprived me, grant me Lord, a heart like yours.
Toward those whose failings have made obstacles for me, grant me Lord, a heart like yours.
Toward those who have betrayed me, grant me Lord, a heart like yours.
Toward those who have misunderstood me, grant me Lord, a heart like yours.
Toward those who have criticized me, grant me Lord, a heart like yours.
For those I have injured by my pride, grant them Lord, to forgive me.
For those I have hurt with my words and actions, grant them Lord, to forgive me.
For those I neglected in my indifference, grant them Lord, to forgive me.
For those I disdained in my arrogance, grant them Lord, to forgive me.
For those I forgot in my self-centeredness, grant them Lord, to forgive me.
For those I insulted in my callousness, grant them Lord, to forgive me.
For those I did not seek to understand, grant them Lord, to forgive me.
For those I scandalized by my sins, grant them Lord, to forgive me.
For those who were counting on me and I failed them, grant them Lord, to forgive me.
For those I was afraid to be a witness of your love, grant them Lord, to forgive me.
For those I made no place in my heart, grant them Lord, to forgive me.
Jesus meek and humble of heart, make my heart more like yours.
Lord Jesus Christ, you are mercy and forgiveness. You never cease to love me unconditionally and are always ready to forgive me. Strengthen my will and soften my heart so that, with a love ever more like yours, I may truly forgive all those who have hurt me in any way and always be ready to seek forgiveness from anyone I have harmed. Amen.
Please join us for our next Evening for Married Couples, Thursday, December 1, at 7:30 pm at St. Paul Church, Greenwich, Connecticut. Sign up here.
Hope Hirshorn is the RC Director for the NY Tri-State. Hope has a M.A., M.Phil. and Ph.D. in Systematic Theology from Fordham, a M.P.A. and A.P.C in finance from NYU, and a certificate in Marian studies from her time in London. She and her husband reside in West Harrison, NY, and are the proud parents of six children.
